Love and Marriage

I’ve been debating for the past two days on whether or not to post this particular “blog” or just let it go, but I’ve finally decided to go ahead and do it, especially with the most recent news of extramarital affairs taking place by our elected officials.

Part of my struggle was not wanting to come off as too abrasive or judgmental. I’m prefacing this blog with the hopes that for any of you who read this, you understand this is in no way, shape or form any stone throwing, judgment casting, person bashing blog – this is me being real, expressing my own personal stance and feelings.

I can count on one hand the number of times I have watched the whole “Jon and Kate Plus 8” reality show. Some may say that's even too much! But I did watch this past Monday’s show. Part of me honestly had a feeling that all the critics, tabloids and speculators were going to be wrong and that they were either going to announce they were seeking counseling, they were going to halt the show for a while, or that they were expecting another child. I was really, really looking for the silver lining in what has become a very negative circus act for them as of late. Granted, I will admit I am one of the people that say, “they knew what they signed up for” regarding the paparazzi, etc. but still, they are people.

One of the key points that drove me and Lori to becoming members of the church we attend now, was our pastor’s stance on putting marriage above the children. I know that some of you are going to read the above statement and be turned off immediately and I’m ok with that. For those of you who are still hanging with me, thank you.

I firmly and unashamedly believe that for any marriage to work, there has to be a complete buy-in to the “better or worse, in sickness and health, to death do us part” vows. It really and truly saddens me at how lightly these vows are taken nowadays. (Now before you begin thinking, “Oh boy, here we go. He has no idea what he’s talking about. If he only knew what it was like. It’s not that easy,” etc. let me go ahead and say, “You’re right.”)

My parents have been married for 32 years. My grandparents, more than 50. I didn’t grow up in what is now considered a “modern family” with 4 parents. But my wife lived it. I have plenty of friends who have gone through it. And I can honestly say, if both parties were fully committed to the vows they said and the commitments they made, it could have been avoided.

I don’t believe in divorce. I don’t like it all. Do I look at someone who has been divorced any differently than anyone else? Absolutely not. One of my very dear friends has gone through this situation twice. In fact, two people very close to me have gone through it more than once. And they both did all within their power to make things work.

Before I get too far off track, I am writing this blog for a few reasons. One, it’s just been on my heart lately and two, I feel that by putting this down “on paper” it helps reiterate how passionate I am about this topic.

When Lori and I first met, or first started dating I should say, we pretty much aired all our dirty laundry. And at the top of the list was our “no excuse” approach on divorce. We began our relationship knowing that neither of us would go far into a relationship without one, seeing ourselves spending the rest of our lives with that person and two, that the other person had the same stance.

At any event, I don’t want to break down and analyze the Gosselin family. I don’t know what went on behind the scenes nor do I want to. But what I could see, was a family who focused on the children far more than their own relationship. How can you expect your children to grow up and know what it’s like to have a healthy relationship with their significant other when you don’t display one yourself? When you live separate lives but come together “for the sake of the kids”, that’s just not healthy. I just don’t see it. Nor do I believe in the “falling out of love” statement. Hear me out. I feel bad for these guys. And maybe I’m just old-fashioned. I’m just saying what I feel.

I mean, marriage isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination....not even when things are going well. But when you say your vows, you're making a life-long commitment. I just don't buy in to the "everyone makes mistakes and sometimes this happens....." I know “stuff” happens, but again, if BOTH parties are FULLY committed to the vows they made in front of friends, God, Allah, etc. then they mean it and they make it work.

I make no apologies when it comes to marriage - for me, it is a lifelong commitment and I will always put my wife above my children or myself...always. I feel it's not only biblical, but I feel it is just plain the right thing to do. Am I going to screw up? ABSOLUTELY. Is my wife going to screw up? Of course not. Haha! But yeah, she will. But are we both 100% committed to remaining truthful, faithful and loyal to each other. ABSOLUTELY.

Think about it. My kids are going to leave the house one day (Lord willing) and then it’s going to be me and the Mrs. If we do nothing but focus on the kids the entire time, where does that leave us? Living two individual lives and now having to start back over….that is, if we so chose to do so.

I want to live a life that when our kids are out on their own, my wife and I will have an even stronger relationship than we do now and that our kids will be able to take from us what it’s like to have a “Mommy” and “Daddy” who love each other more than anything else.