Fear the Mermaid

It's really never a dull moment around here. From Cadence dancing and grooving to the beat that is playing in her head to Preston building gigantic castles and having battles with his Legos, there's always something exciting going on. Our conversations are especially fun. Like tonight's bedtime "pillow talk"....let's begin.

Every night when Lori or I put Preston to bed, we do our best to end the night with talking about our days (even though we've talked about them most of the night leading up to this joyous event)..he also wants us to "snuggle for 100 minutes", meaning stay in there all night with him...but I digress.

So tonight, after we wrapped up doing some of his learning books, he turns the tables on me...."Daddy, tell me about your day". So I do. I won't go into all the glamorous details like I did with him about how I helped save a family from a burning building and single-handedly (Ryanism) stopped a bank robbery....or, or, or....swooped in to pull the little lost puppy out of the street before the ginormous truck squooshed him to pieces. No, you guys don't need to know about all that.....

RING, RING, RING, RING.....oh yeah, sorry....got lost in a daydream there for a bit....

Anywho....I told him about my day then asked him how his day was.

Let me set the stage for you....Preston is laying on his back, looking up to the ceiling, while I'm on my side looking at him. We just put down the learning book and I told him about my day.

He then looks over at me...

Preston: "That's cool. Daddy, can I tell you about my day?"
Me: "Sure, bud." And he rolled over and turned off the bed-side lamp.
Preston: "Can we snuggle while I talk about my day?"
Me: "Yeah, bud. That's cool"...and here we go.

Preston: "Daddy, 'Bob' (to protect the guilty party here, real names will not be used) was not being a good listener today."
Me: "Why is that?"
Preston: "Well, he was pretending to be a mermaid and, well, boys aren't mermaids."
Me: "Um....no, not usually...."
Preston: "Well, he was pretending to be a mermaid. And, and....what are the big things??? You know? The big round things that girls have right here?" (he is hitting his chest at this point)...
Me: "Boobies?" I ask, really unsure where this is leading.
Preston: "YEAH, boobies!
(Brief pause while my mind starts racing wondering where we're about to go...and I'm pretty sure your mind is taking you somewhere but TRUST ME, you won't go where I'm about to take you.....)
Preston: "Well, Bob was pretending to be a mermaid with REALLY big boobies and...."

....wait for it.....

Preston: "Well, he was using his boobies to pretend he was peeing on me and 'Joe'."

Are those crickets chirping....???

Me: "Huh???" I really was a little shocked to say the least. "Well, bud. That's um, well, um, that's not really good manners (maybe it would be if they weren't so big, who knows...???) so it's probably best to ignore him when he's doing that."
Preston: "Ok, Dad. I will."

Tick, tock, tick, tock....a wee bit of silence followed. 

Fast forward through my prayers....

Then...."Dear God, I pray that you help Bob not use his big mermaid boobies to pee on me and my friends tomorrow. Amen"

I'll never view mermaids in the same light again....